Permission to...

Life has been pretty busy for me this year. I know, how can life be busy when we are still living in a pandemic? Well, life does not stop just because of Covid. But honestly, the reason I have not posted is that I keep deleting everything I've been writing. I cannot count the number of times I have rewritten this post. Ironically my hesitation in publishing something is exactly what I am going to share in this post. I have a nasty habit of not allowing myself to just flow. I do not give myself permission to simply write and post for fear that my words are not the right words or that what I have to say is not deep or impactful. 

Not giving myself permission to just write and post does not stop with my blog, but sadly with many aspects of my life. This in the past has been a hindrance as I now recognize that I've missed out on great opportunities or have punished myself severely for what I believed to be catastrophic mistakes. 

Now I do not want to give NF the power and blame my condition entirely for this behavior, however, I do need to say that NF has contributed to my hesitation in many aspects of my life. And yes, I have always said that I am not my NF, that my NF is just an aspect of who I am; but you must understand that the person I am today, is not the same person that cultivated these fears and hesitations. 

Even though I have improved enormously in giving myself permission to feel, act, say, and yes make mistakes, sometimes, I have setbacks and simply freeze. Case in point, writing and posting this piece. 

So, my message to you is to give yourself permission to live your best life 100% of the time.  Allow yourself to feel every single emotion. Welcome uncertainty, take a risk, for all you know you are one step away from checking something off your bucket list. 

One of my goals this year is to not give fear power but instead to simply flow like water.