As I get older, I, sadly, have become more self-conscious with my fibromas. I look at my body and dwell on the fact that there was a time when I did not have single fibroma. Sometimes I blankly stare in the mirror and wonder if I will get more. As of now, I do not have many, and the ones I do have are small. I work myself up over something that is completely out of my control.
Thankfully, I have an amazing boyfriend that snaps me back into reality. He tells me I am perfect just the way I am, and that he will always love me with the fibromas I have and will continue to get. Even though I honestly believe him, it is sometimes not easy.
I make it hard on myself because I am self-conscious about my figure. I do not have a womanly figure. I am petite and short. My small breasts make it hard to buy adult clothing. At the age of 28, I still purchase clothes in the junior department. People still think I am in my late teens at times. I like that I look young but sometimes having a small frame, and NF causes my self-esteem to not be so high. I know I can get a breast augmentation, but after 17 surgeries I am not about to have one just to be able to fill a dress more.
A few days ago I read a beautiful story about a young lady. Due to an illness, she has an ileotomy, a G-tub and a J-tub. To accompany the story, there is a beautiful picture of this most courageous young lady. This story on The Mighty put everything into perspective for me because I realized that I can let my fibromas keep me hidden or show them off to the world. After all, I and I alone, am the only one that is keeping me from being confident.