Not an NF Night, How I met Plini

One Friday back in April my friend Juli sent me a text inviting me to a concert for an artist named Plini.  Honestly, I had no idea who he was nor had I heard of any of the other artist that were to perform that night.  Nonetheless, I said yes to her for two reasons: one, Juli is one of my favorite humans and two, I needed to get out of my comfort zone.
And so, I left work, meet up with Juli at my house, put on some make-up and off we went to Ybor City. Unbeknownst to me, April 19th would become a night for the books! As we waited in line to get our wrist bands, I told Juli that between the brief intermissions I would need to step out to get fresh air and to keep my anxiety in check.
Despite having never heard of any of the artists or having any clue of the genre of the music that was playing that night, I had a blast, after all, I was spending a Friday night with my little sister, ( our birthday's our almost ten years to the day).
During Plini's performance, he created a chant as he stroke some cords, We chanted 'Juan' as he played notes on his guitar.  As it turned out, Juan was the merch-guy. Juli and I had spoken to him before the concert started and in fact, Juli had bought a t-shirt.
After the concert,  I dragged Juli to the merchandise, and in Spanish asked Juan, " what do we need to have Plini sign a CD?" Unfortunately, Juan responded in English that he had lost his Spanish and only understood very little of it.  I was disappointed because I knew that if anyone else heard my question, then the chances of Juli leaving the concert with a signed CD were slim.  Still, I asked him. We bought a CD and waited off to the side until he finished with all the customers.  Juan then walked to us, grabbed the CD and told us to wait for a few as he went to speak to Plini.
As Juli and I waited and laughed at the fact that I had been bold in my actions, a rather tall guy approached us that worked at the venue. " What are you two up too? It looks like you are getting yourselves into trouble.' He jokingly said, we both laughed and explained what was going on.  Just then, Juan came back with a signed CD. Juli was so happy to have signed CD. I was bumped because I thought that Juan would have led us to meet Plini.

Juli and Plini

Dan, ( the rather tall guy) said without missing a beat,"...you want to meet him? I can get you to meet him... " - And so, my little sister met Plini!
April 19, 2019, is a night I will never forget. I went out of my comfort zone 100%. I checked in with myself multiple times throughout the night, and my anxiety was almost nonexistent. I was not concerned with glares, nor was I worried about what others thought of me when they saw me.  I was comfortable in my skin the whole evening, I even flirted some.
I am not always the Angela of the evening on April 19th, but she does come out a lot more often than she used too, and for that, I am proud.
Love ya, Juli! Thanks for an awesome night

Looking Back

This time last year, I found myself in a dark place. I was healing from the surgeries I had had earlier in the year, but emotionally and mentally, I was broken. My anxiety was affecting every aspect of my life.  I was depressed, losing weight, and my hair was falling. I felt completely out of control. My life was off-kilter.
In February of 2018, I had one of my most significant panic attacks.  I had just returned to work, from having major surgery. It had probably been a week when I quietly started having a panic attack that started during a meeting and lasted until I left work a few hours later. I remember my chest tightening and a knot forming in my throat midway through the meeting. My brain stopped processing information, and I was unable to speak. After the meeting, I went to the bathroom, cried in a stall, and then washed my face. When that didn't help, I did a few laps around my building, I sat at one of the picnic tables and again cried. After some time had passed, I once again washed my face, walked into my office, put on earphones, and zoned out until my shift ended.
The job that I loved had become a trigger for panic attacks. I dreaded going into work. I stopped enjoying the challenge of supervising 30+ people. I became resentful, and everything was negative. No matter how hard I tried to turn things around, I could not find the positive. I cried myself to sleep on most nights, I distant myself form everything I enjoyed. I barely cooked, wrote, or took long walks with Ki-Bo.
By mid-May, I had told the program manager of the department that I did not see myself working at CCTB in five years.  It was both the best and worst decision I have ever made. I felt the tension release after I told her how I felt, but at the same time, from that moment on, she would ask me when it was that I was resigning as supervisor. I put in my notice at the end of September, my last day as supervisor of Gateway service was October 1, 2018.
To make things more complicated, In August of 2018, my ex walked into my life once more. After almost two years, since our relationship ended, I saw him again, standing in my driveway with the words  I wished to have heard when we were still together, " I am sorry. I am sorry I hurt you.  I don't want to live with you not in my life."  As much as I loved him and what we had, I knew then and still do now that our story had ended and there was not going to be a sequel.
The same day I decided to put in my two weeks notice I bought airfare to visit my family in Colombia. I did not have specific plans or things I wanted to do. My goal was to find my inner balance once more. After all, I needed to find work upon my return.
As 2019 is nearing its end, I can happily say that I have no regrets on any of the decisions I have made that have led me to where I am today.  Ironically,  I could very well find myself unemployed on January 1, 2020, the company I currently work for will be closing. I've known this was coming since April, but I am not worried, I know that I will find myself employed soon enough.

Like I've said before if NF hasn't been able to break me, nothing will.