Friday, February 1, 2013

It's Not an NF Thing... It's a Life Thing

Life is what you make of it.....
It's not always easy to be optimistic and see the bright side of things, but if I were to turn the other cheek and become this negative, resentful person than I will never be able to enjoy all the beauty around me. I am not saying that I do not have bad days because I do and just like anybody else I force myself to get out of bed and smell the roses! If you were to ask my family and friends, they would be most likely to tell you that I am outgoing and adventures, that I like to try new and exciting things, and that overall I do not let the ignorance of others bother me. 
The description my family and friends would provide of me is in actuality very correct. I am all that, and I wish I could always demonstrate those traits all the time, but I can not because the truth is, there are certain moments in my life that I have shriveled up into a tiny ball wishing to disappear into space.  Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, and my lungs contract and I can not breathe. My face tightens up, and I just give off this vibe of "bitchiness" ( which by the way, that is far from who I am). 
When my friends notice that I am feeling uncomfortable, they always snap me out of it and make me laugh. They know exactly what to do or say. My friend Caro, for instance, gives me a hug and in her very own unique way insults whoever is making me feel uncomfortable at that moment. For example, during a Halloween party that we attended a few years ago, she said " Omg! Don't you pay any attention to any of those effin imbeciles, they just wish they had your awesome legs and amazing smile."  When I went to visit my cousin in Paris, and people would be rude and gawk at me she would give them the evil eye, we would laugh it off and just keep walking. My family and friends may not realize this, but they are the ones that give me all the strength in the world to be the girl that I am. If it were not for them, I do not think I would be the person I am today.
For many years growing up I used to think that I was at a disadvantage in all aspects in my life because I was born with Neurofibromatosis, a disorder that made me ugly and unattractive. I did not like who I was for a very long time. I disliked myself and constantly put myself down and blamed my NF for not having x,y, or z. I was, in essence, my biggest bully. 
Then, ( thank God) I grew up!!! I realized that I was not doing myself any good by putting myself down, that there was more to me than my NF. That's when I realized that having NF did not make me feel insecure or unattractive, I was causing those feeling myself by putting myself down. Unfortunately putting myself down had nothing to do with NF. Instead, it had everything to do with life. Women are always comparing themselves to other women and not only putting themselves down but others too. We are our own worst enemy, and that has to stop because if we don't, I don't want to imagine what will become of us.