Surving NF:Suidcial Thoughts (part 2)

Let's talk about suicide, because it can no longer remain a taboo subject. It is highly important that we are all able to talk about suicide without feeling odd or uncomfortable.You never know when you can save someones life by just asking, "Are you having suicidal thoughts?" I wish someone would have asked me that question when I was 18 years old, because I truly needed to feel validated and understood. Last November, I shared with you one of my most difficult moments ever. I shared with you my suicidal thoughts and my near attempt.

Even though I never cut my wrist that night, I did not stop having thoughts of self-harm for the longest time. In fact, I kept spiraling further and further into depression, I lost weight, strength and motivation in life. Things got a lot more difficult after I graduated high school because I found out that my father had been having an affair with a family friend. After my father left, my depression only got worse. I felt completely lost and alone.

Despite the countless nights of crying myself to sleep and fighting for every breath I took, I never attempted to hurt myself again. I forced myself to get up and out of bed every morning, to go to class and to work. I even forced a smile or two. I did whatever I had to do to keep myself from hurting both physically and emotionally.

 It has been ten years since I attempted to hurt myself and lot has happened during that time. I have graduated college, fallen in love and found work as a crisis counselor. I speak to men and woman from all walks of life, young and old, because depression and suicide do not discriminate. I have been lucky enough to have an extraordinary support system that have carried me through my depression and have never stopped. Unfortunately, not everyone counts on everyday support from home. Thankfully, there is help and support. If you or anyone you know is going through a difficult time, including having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Line.

"Try Everything"

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I messed up tonight, I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next

Birds don't just fly, they fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wrong

I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No, I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Look how far you've come, you filled your heart with love
Baby you've done enough, take a deep breath
Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best

I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

I'll keep on making those new mistakes
I'll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Try everything