The description my family and friends would provide of me is in actuality very correct. I am all that, and I wish I could always demonstrate those traits all the time, but I can not because the truth is, there are certain moments in my life that I have shriveled up into a tiny ball wishing to disappear into space. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, and my lungs contract and I can not breathe. My face tightens up, and I just give off this vibe of "bitchiness" ( which by the way, that is far from who I am).
When my friends notice that I am feeling uncomfortable, they always snap me out of it and make me laugh. They know exactly what to do or say. My friend Caro, for instance, gives me a hug and in her very own unique way insults whoever is making me feel uncomfortable at that moment. For example, during a Halloween party that we attended a few years ago, she said " Omg! Don't you pay any attention to any of those effin imbeciles, they just wish they had your awesome legs and amazing smile." When I went to visit my cousin in Paris, and people would be rude and gawk at me she would give them the evil eye, we would laugh it off and just keep walking. My family and friends may not realize this, but they are the ones that give me all the strength in the world to be the girl that I am. If it were not for them, I do not think I would be the person I am today.
For many years growing up I used to think that I was at a disadvantage in all aspects in my life because I was born with Neurofibromatosis, a disorder that made me ugly and unattractive. I did not like who I was for a very long time. I disliked myself and constantly put myself down and blamed my NF for not having x,y, or z. I was, in essence, my biggest bully.
Then, ( thank God) I grew up!!! I realized that I was not doing myself any good by putting myself down, that there was more to me than my NF. That's when I realized that having NF did not make me feel insecure or unattractive, I was causing those feeling myself by putting myself down. Unfortunately putting myself down had nothing to do with NF. Instead, it had everything to do with life. Women are always comparing themselves to other women and not only putting themselves down but others too. We are our own worst enemy, and that has to stop because if we don't, I don't want to imagine what will become of us.
