Rummaging through paperwork I found an old poem. It was folded in four. I had no idea of what I was about to read; I read it once, twice, three times and I allowed my own words to sink in. I wrote this poem back in 2008. What I did not know then that I know now was that I was truly depressed. My dad had moved out of the house and to Miami with his mistress, my mom filed for divorce. My childhood home was going through foreclosure. I did not know who I was or who I wanted to become. I was lost. I remember writing the poem and reading it after printing it. I also remember reading the words but to me it was just black words on a white sheet of paper. Finally, I remember reading this very poem at a local cafe on an open-mic night and the audience looking at me in awe. Again, the words I wrote did not hit me until I read it today.
I am looking for my soul
The soul that I seem to have lost
I seek through through memories of the past to see if i find it
I draw a blank canvas-nothing
I wander off into the pool of emotions that I have dived into before
But all I hear are echoes
My soul has fled- and I don't know why
There is not hope
I can't find it
I am just a shadow walking in the wind
Hoping, to one day find what I have lost-
My soul
It took me a few years to realize that my soul was never missing, I wast just not living. Life is not easy not because I have NF but simply because life is not meant to be easy.I have gone through a lot in my 28 year of life, some of my life experiences have been due to my NF. While others, are just things that I have lived through. I am a stronger and better person. I am not the girl in 2008 anymore and I NEVER want to be that girl AGAIN.
Hope you enjoy this song by Yuna. I found it very fitting for this post. Every time I listen to this song I remember how far I have come and how many more miles I have left to walk.
Enjoy! =)
