I've come to a moment in my life in which I have realized that I need to stop proving myself to others and just live my life freely. This has been a tough lesson to learn because by focusing on proving myself to others I have in actuality been failing myself.
This, I realized very recently, As I began shutting down and creeping into a depressive phase. I was scared of being depressed once more and of not having the strength to pull myself out of it. It took me a very long time to dig my way out that when I did, I promised myself I would not be in that hole again.
When I spoke to my therapist about my current mental and emotional state he told me that I was, in fact, exhibiting the warning signs. The way he worded it was that I was flashing yellow and that I was able to turn it around to prevent the light to change to red.
I don't want my yellow to turn red. And so, I need to focus on me and not on others, which always seems to be the most challenging thing for me to do.
For someone that dislikes being in the spotlight, I genuinely do a disservice to myself by needing to prove to others that I am capable of everything. I know I can do anything and everything I set my mind too I just need to do it for me and not for them.
