Four Months Post 23rd

 " At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can."- Frida Kahlo

I have reached the fourth month of recovery from my 23rd surgery. Twenty-three surgeries in thirty-four years of life. I would forever be overjoyed if I never-ever have to endure another surgery again, and I think everyone would agree that a surgery-free life would be perfect, but NF does not always play fair. 

This new reflection that stares back at me in the bathroom mirror is one I fully do not recognize. At times I see a glimpse of my former face; a face that at one point was compared to that of a monster is the face I miss. Neither this nor my former face are monster-like. However, I would still like the face I had before January 19,2022. I have to acknowledge that having this recent surgery was the best decision I could have made because continuing to live with exposed titanium mesh was anything but ideal. 

After a week off of antibiotics, I was placed on Cipro again. As I mentioned in my previous post,  Pseudomonas aeruginosa is a chronic infection. Lisa, my APRN, described this infection as very sticky, and since I have a mesh and recovering from surgery, I am the perfect host for the bacteria to adhere to. This round of antibiotics is for 30 days, but I could take it for the rest of my life. It depends on my wound healing and continuous lab work coming back with good numbers. The infection is present, but it appears to be superficial, so here's to hoping and praying that it remains this way and my body can get rid of it. 

My none-medical-training background has hypothesized that Pseudomonas aeruginosa is the culprit that caused my skin to tear. I have made this conclusion based on what I have been told and what I have read; I could be wrong, and if I am, then I am okay with the fallacy I have created. 

5/14/22, Honeymoon Island

So here I am, four months post-surgery, and I am thankful I am healthy and healing. Despite having this infection and taking the second round of antibiotics, my recovery is going beyond well. My mental health is stable. Yes, I have had multiple days in which I feel sorry for myself and am angry that this is my life; but I do not allow myself to stay in that mental state because I know if I do, I will slip back into active depression, and this is something I do not want. I know far too well the depth of my depression and the consequences. After recovering from my last depressive episode, I promised myself I would actively work to never experience another episode again.