90+ Days Post-Surgery

Outside of Moffitt

 I am back on antibiotics. I have contracted an infection known as Pseudomonas aeruginosa. I am an ideal candidate for this bacteria since I am recovering from surgery; this bacteria can cause infections in the blood, lungs, or other body parts; in my case,  my skin flap. This could explain why my skin flap is taking longer to heal. Hopefully, I will only need one round ( two weeks) of treatment. I spoke to Dr. Patel on Monday, and he said that this is a chronic infection. However, recent tests indicate the disease does not appear to be growing, which is what we want. 

As the days and weeks pass in this recovery process, I have to learn to love my current face; whether my existing face is permanent or transitional, it is difficult to accept the way I look. Dr. Patel says he does not know if my face will return to its previous state or to what degree. Before surgery, my face was asymmetrical and somewhat droopy on the right side, but nothing to the extent that it is now. 

I broke down in tears not too long ago because I do not like my crooked smile or how my skin flap protrudes. I am emotionally drained from this healing process. My mom asked me if I regretted having this surgery. Through tears and snot dripping ( it was an ugly cry), I answered that I did not regret the procedure because I no longer have an open wound or exposed titanium. The alternative to not going through with surgery would be 100% worse. Despite this, I am having difficulty accepting the possibility that this is my new face. I want to love who I am, but at this moment, I do not, and I have to be okay with that. 

Since the skin flap has not entirely closed and with the nuance of the infection, OT will have to remain on the backburner. Hopefully, everything heals soon, and I can start OT and work towards getting as close as possible to having the face I love again. 

In other news, I am back to work! This makes me very happy because I love being a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor. I may be biased, but my work family is the best! I am back to working with clients who want to join the workforce despite having a diagnosis that causes a barrier to employment. 

If you do not already do so, follow me on Instagram @mynf_life.