Saturday, July 8, 2017

NF and 'Anorexia'

" I love my body," I've said never, but I don't hate my body either. I do however like my body and one day I know I will love it. The truth is after years of harsh bullying and body shaming I am just now coming to and appreciating my petite figure and curves. I was bullied for being "too thin" and was accused of being anorexic multiple times.
Growing up I was made to feel ashamed for being thin and petite. I really disliked and hated my small frame. I was ridiculed for not having a voluptuous body, for being flat-chested and for not meeting beauty standards. I went through a phase in which I seriously considered having breast augmentation in order to fit the mold just a little bit.
The taunting became so bad that I  started internalizing the comments and actually began to believe that there was something seriously wrong with me. As a teenager, I would stand in front of the mirror naked and point out every wrong and ugly part of my body. I would tell myself, " So not only do you have NF but you also have no boobs or ass. What guy would ever find you attractive?"  I essentially was bullying myself.
The saddest part of this story is that growing up I also heard from my family and friends that I did have a beautiful body, that my small petite frame was proportionate and perfect, but that did not matter because the voices of my bullies were louder. And so that was my reality until I stopped liking the reality that I had created and started reevaluating everything. Little by little I started to like my body and learned how to appreciate my small frame. Now, at 30 more than ever, I am thankful I did not have a boob job or any other unnecessary surgery. What also helped me through this process is that the two boyfriends I've had never failed to tell me that they found every inch of me sexy. I do not want to give them all the credit, but being told that you are beautiful (and sexy) from someone other than your brothers does help.  It took me a very long time to consider myself sexy because I was told by so many that I was anything but sexy.
So, I do not love my body but I do like it. I appreciate my small frame and curves. I am healthy and NOT  anorexic. People still do comment about my thinness but it no longer bothers me because I ignore the comments even if they are meant as compliments.