I have been contemplating sharing this experience because I felt ashamed for being such a fool and was angry at myself because I fell victim to a wanna-be influencer on Instagram. While I never intended to talk about it, NF has gotten in the way, so I will be vulnerable and share.
The day before Thanksgiving, I was walking into my local grocery store when a man approached me. I noticed him and his companions a few feet away as I exited the car. The man, let's call him LeFou, still walking behind me, asked me if I wanted a blessing; I turned around, and he again asked if I wanted a blessing. I thought he would say a prayer because, in the past, this has been my experience. Suddenly, one of his companions got right before us while the other two popped confetti canons as LeFou blessed me with cash. In the video, I am in complete shock. I took this cash and am ashamed and angry for doing so. I still have the money; I feel dirty for having it and do not know what to do with it. The whole interaction took at most 30 seconds. In hindsight, I should have said no. I should have given him the money and asked him to delete the video, but I didn't because, at that instant, I did not consider the events that would follow.
For those 30 seconds, I forgot all about NF and my facial difference. I know perfectly well that if I did not have a facial difference, this post would not need to be written, but alas, NF...
Two weeks later, my little sister sent me a message on Instagram and asked me about a confetti shooting video I was in and a man giving me cash. Ironically, she was not talking about the video that LeFou made but one that another Instagram influencer did; we shall call him Timon. Timon has made his mark in the world of social media by making satire and commenting on videos like the ones LeFou makes. Timon claims I was "hired" because he knew Lefou would profit from the video. Timon also argued that LeFou was not being genuine with his actions. My little sister, being her incredible self, reached out to Timon and cleared up a few things about me and what had occurred in the video. Her interaction with Timon led to Timon and I communicating on Instagram.
So, now I am not on one but two reels on Instagram. Both platforms have well over 500k followers, and although the intentions of both reels are different, the outcome is the same: me. I have become the punch bag for awful and hurtful comments. Both platforms have put me on center stage and left me there for their audiences to do as they please. After speaking with Timon, I asked him to give me LeFou's Instagram, and I regretfully decided to view the clip. I was disgusted at the clip's presentation, but even more so at the comments, people made. I've read comments on both platforms, and Timon's followers are not as ruthless; if anything, the comments are more geared towards LeFou and how distasteful and disingenuous he is than on my physical appearance. Also, Timon has responded to a few of his followers and "defended" me.
After talking with Timon, I messaged LeFou, hoping he and I could clarify a few things about the video and his followers' comments. It has been almost three weeks since I sent him a message and crickets. This, unfortunately, proves Timon's point that all LeFou cares about are views, likes, and comments, even if they are at my expense. The vast majority of comments on LeFou's platform are beyond disrespectful. Seeing the GIFFs and others laughing at them hurt me to the core. I do not understand how someone who is "blessing" people allows followers to leave comments filled with hate. LeFou is not a kind human being; his blatant disregard for my message and inability to stop cyberbullying only prove that he cares about himself and not the people that he claims to be "blessing."
After feeling like I lost a bit of myself due to social media and the desire to gain views and likes, I decided to take control of the narrative as much as possible and commented on both videos. I first commented on Timon's platform, not expecting much but hoping that my comment would not backfire; it didn't because I have received likes, comments, and followers.
Yesterday, 01/05/2024, I decided to view the comments on LeFou's video; I think that subconsciously, I knew that I needed to see the painful words to snap and comment. To take back control, so that is what I did. Surprisingly, I've received likes, comments, and a few followers as well.
I do not know what is to come due to these two clips that are now forever part of the social media realm, but I know that I am more determined than ever to spread my message of acceptance, tolerance, and love for all. People need to realize that words hurt. Words have the potential to cause irreparable damage. I know this because I still have vivid flashbacks from middle school, and I am an adult woman in her 30s.
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