Spooky Halloween

Happy Halloween!!!!

Since it's the eve of Halloween, it only seems fair that I write about the holiday that has not always been my favorite. When I was younger, I was all for Halloween, but surprisingly as I have gotten older I have grown to dislike October 31st very much!!  As a kid, I would dress up with my brothers and go trick-or-treating around our neighborhood; our parents would often drive us to the 'rich' neighborhoods because they would give out the king sized candy bars and have best Halloween decorations. I actually have awesome childhood memories filled with home made costumes, trading candy with my brothers and going parties.
It wasn't until I became older that I started disliking this holiday. I think I started hating Halloween because as I grew up, it all changed. I was no longer going door-to-door asking for candy but actually going to parties. It's funny how it was never the kids that were rude and  said mean comments but the adults. Now,  I go to parties and want to leave right away because adults are plain evil at times.
The comments are always in the form of a compliment, or so they think. What people usually say is " Wow, excellent makeup!", or " Oh, wow, how did you manage to do that cool eye makeup?"
I know I shouldn't let these comments affect me, but I can't help but it if it does, especially when all I want is to have a good time out with my friends.
Last year, I went to a bar with a girlfriend and decided not to dress up as it was a last minute decision; Surprisingly enough I only had one person come up to me and comment about my 'face makeup, ' and since the music was blaring loud I didn't let it affect me. Nonetheless, I rather stay home than my other alternative(s). And despite having very loving and supportive friends and family members, prefer to avoid encounters such as the ones I have experienced because in reality they do affect me.

Valuable Friends

I don't like to duel on the ugly-negative-no-good parts of life; instead, I try to keep my head held high and march forward as much as possible ( easier said than done, right?). When I was a kid I felt like the world was out to get me, I felt like a fish out of water. I was, or at least I felt like I was the only person that was different and not welcomed. I felt as if no one else in the entire planet was like me ( pretty extreme I know). As we all know kids can be pretty cruel but they can also be a lot more accepting than adults at times. Well for some time I felt that kids would never accept me because some actually didn't and even today those kids that are adults today don't accept me, but I've learned not to care. When I lived in my home country of Colombia, I didn't really notice or give that much importance to having school friends because I had my brothers and my cousins and they would always be my friends, but when I moved to the States, things changed a lot.
I no longer had the safety blanket of brothers and cousins, so I went out and looked for and found my BFF'S!!! When I was in first grade I made my first true friend(s), they were twin sisters from Venezuela more than fifteen years later the three of us are still very close friends!! Despite not living in the same country any longer we still keep in touch and see each other as much as possible. I love them very much and hold them very dear to my heart because they literally were the first friends I ever made in school, the three of us were joined at the hip, and even though they moved back to Venezuela somehow we have managed to maintain the sister bond we initiated when we were seven!

I mention my twin friends because they taught me the true value of friendship and the power of a TRUE friend. Thanks to them I was able to have the confidence to meet other kids and become not just school friends but life long friends. After the twins moved back to Venezuela, at the end of third grade I was, of course sad. At that time I did not know when would be the next time we would see each other or speak to each other ( If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have worried so much).
When I entered high school, I met and became friends with people that hold an exceptional place in my heart. As we all know high school is very different than elementary and middle school because it is in high school that friendships have the potential of either ending or becoming life long friends! I met some pretty incredible people in high school that up to this date I consider my sisters and brothers.Friends that I travel with to other states and even other countries, friends that share inside jokes that only the two of us understand, friends that have shared a good laugh and a good cry. I became friends with amazing human beings that love me for the crazy, goofy, smart, spontaneous, sweet, etc girl that I am.
I feel that this group of friends helped me become who I am today and lead me to meet more people that like them instantly became a sister or a brother to me in college.
My family has given me strength and self-empowerment to take control of my life and to live each day with a smile and gratitude, but my friends have opened my eyes to the beauty that lies in humans. Although there are those stinky people that are judgmental, self-centered, superficial low-lives, there are a lot more people that are like my friends that don't care if I have..... What's it called again?
I may not have been the most popular girl in school ever, but I know that to my friends, my TRUE friends I was and still am popular.

Love... Or Something Like It......

Love, this simple four letter word holds as much power as one atomic bomb! 
I figured out at an early age that my life was not very common and that I would not experience the same 'rite of passages' as the majority of my peers, especially when it came to high school.Nonetheless, I did want to experience the typical things such as learning to drive, having a job, joining extracurricular activities, and having a boyfriend. My freshmen year of high school I joined the swim team and became a member of multiple school clubs, I also learned how to drive, and during my junior year of high school, I found a job. Overall my high school experience was great! The only missing factor was the l high school sweet heart.  I knew that one would be a difficult one to accomplish especially when you spent a better part of you primary education being made fun of and being shunned by a majority of your classmates. Despite all this, I still believed that I would one day find love. 
On multiple occasions, various classmates would tease me by telling me that I would never have a boyfriend because I was not pretty enough. Although it did hurt my feelings to hear this from my peers, I did not let it get me down because the people that mattered the most to me never shared the same thoughts as my school peers did. That was until someone that was part of my inner most circle said the unthinkable, he said " Angela, you having a boyfriend will be almost impossible because men are too superficial and well look at you." That was properly one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever told me because it came from someone I actually cared for and loved. I, unfortunately, believed him and gave up on my hopes and dreams of ever finding my prince charming. In a way, I agreed with him because at the time I was twenty and I had yet to have my first kiss, so that should have been a clue that I would not have a boyfriend.
And then I met him! The one that broke the spell and gave me my first kiss!! I was twenty-two years old. Not only did he give me my first kiss but he also became my first boyfriend, and although he and I are no longer together he made me realize that sometimes people really don't know what they are talking about. =) He was my prince charming for a short time, and he was just what I needed to get back on the horse and realize that I should not let others put my dreams, hopes, and wants down. 
I don't know when I will meet my next prince charming, but I know he is in my future because I already met someone that broke the spell and took his time to get to know me and found me to be more than your average gal! To him, I was a lot more than attractive, beautiful, funny, sexy and smart. To him, I was the girl that stopped him right in his tracks, and for the period we dated I was the most important person in his life. I was his girl! 
We are all deserving of being loved and finding love, the mere fact that I have NF does not exclude me from experiencing such! 
LOVE IS SIMPLE AND BLIND 

My Choice

I recently had a conversation with a new friend about choosing how to live life in general. We spoke about NF and how we choose to live our lives and how NF affects us. I might not have control over the disease itself, but I do have control over how I live my life. Now I'm not going to lie and say that moping isn't easy because in reality feeling sorry for yourself is a lot easier than waking up each morning with your head held high; but you know what, I choose not to do that to myself. I rather get beaten up time after time and pick myself up than to let myself be consumed by any and all negative emotions. I don't need them and don't want them. Living this way is not easy. Yes, I've had moments in my life in which I've fallen hard and thought I wouldn't be able to pick myself up again, but I have each and every time. And the funny thing is we all get beaten up once in awhile. It's like belly buttons, we all have them.
Several people have asked me how is it that I'm such a happy, smiling person if life has dealt me " shitty cards" as one acquaintance puts it. I always reply by saying that the other option is a lot less pleasing. Despite what others might think or believe I have no reason not to be anything but happy and filled with joy. Other than my NF I am a very healthy person, I have no other medical problems. I am able to work and go to school. I can do anything I set my mind too and be successful at it. I've already proven to many that neurofibromatosis does not by any means own me, I own it!

I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't expect others to either. Why would you? The way I see it I really have nothing wrong with me. So what if I have  monocular vision and some bone abnormalities. So what if I have NF? 

I choose to be positive and optimistic. I choose to believe that I am capable of accomplishing all my goals. I choose to smile and laugh and enjoy life. Why would I want anything but that? I don't understand how we can be our  own best friend but instead choose to be our biggest enemy  I will not take part in that. I vow to enjoy life and not let lives little bumps pull me down.

I have NF

I was born with Neurofibromatosis type one. I've had over a dozen surgeries to correct my birth defect, and I'm blind from my right eye. I couldn't have written it any less bluntly, but there's no other way of saying it. It's the truth, and there's no sugar coating. I recently turned 25 and have realized that despite having NF it does not define me by any means. Yes, my physical appearance is not typical but then again is there such a thing as 'normal' nowadays? For a long time, I used to think that having NF would prevent me from having a productive life due to not having a 'normal' physical appearance. I had my first surgery when I was 8 days old to relieve the pressure that Congenital Glaucoma caused due to  NF, and at 18 I had my seventeenth surgery to correct some bone growth abnormalities that once again was caused by my NF. When I was a little girl, I would pray to God that I would wake up one day and my face and right eye would be beautiful and even on both sides. I wanted to not have Neurofibormatosis because growing up with this disease was not easy and still now as an adult, I face difficulties that the average person does not and will never face.

During my school years, I was bullied not only for having a facial deformity but also for having a petite figure. In second grade a classmate of mine made a comment about my eye color and how ugly I looked. Since I had lost my eyesight in my right eye at a very young age, my eye color had drastically changed from being hazel to almost black. I have always had a small frame, and that has come at a price, I was once accused by a girl in one of my classes that I was anorexic because I was thin and she was not.
When I was in seventh grade, I received a note from several classmates that were folded in three, on the top flap it read " A closer look at Angela" when I opened the paper completely there was a drawing of a monster. I remember looking at the picture for a couple of seconds, and all I could hear was their giggling. I took the note and threw it in the garbage can; needless to say that as soon as school let out and my mom picked me up from school, I burst into tears. My years in middle school were the hardest years for me, I spent most of my sixth -eighth-grade years crying and not wanting to go to school. I looked forward to Fridays and hated Sundays. Thinking about it now still, makes me want to cry.
Once I reached high school I figured things would get better, and they did, but my peers still found ways to let me know that I was not part of their "clique." Thankfully, I had my older brother to protect me and make me feel better. I also met some of the best people in the world, I met people that today I consider family! They saw past my NF and saw the goofy, silly, sweet girl that I am ( that's how they describe me).

****** To Be continued******


PS
If anyone reads my blog, please let me know!! =) I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks